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Parents Should Listen to Teens 5 Times More Than Talk
According to a study, (link on the blog post), which was presented at the American Psychological Association convention by Dr. Larry Rosen, teens may be getting sick by using the internet, in general, and social networking sites, in particular, too much. The study made some interesting points:
"Teens who use Facebook more often show more narcissistic tendencies while young adults who have a strong Facebook presence show more signs of other psychological disorders, including antisocial behaviors, mania and aggressive tendencies."
Along with some positives (You know me, I focus on the positives!):
"Social networking can provide tools for teaching in compelling ways that engage young students."
But I think the most important point of Dr. Rosen's presentation didn't really have to do with this particular study on internet use and teens. The point is applicable to many of the problems teens face today:
"You have to [...] build trust, so that when there is a problem, [...] your child will talk to you about it."
"Communication is the crux of parenting. You need to talk to your kids, or rather, listen to them," Rosen said. "The ratio of parent listen to parent talk should be at least five-to-one. Talk one minute and listen for five."
Great point! I'd love to hear it repeated frequently by all parenting experts out there who are doing studies. Agree?
Asking our community of parents: What did you think of the study? Do you talk to your teen about internet use? Please share your thoughts, advice and experiences in the comments area.
| 'The Glee Project: Generosity', Did it matter?
I was amazed at how many mixed messages were sent to the contestants of The Glee Project from Ryan and Robert in the show last night. The contestants were told this week was all about the generosity they used toward their 'little-mes', then criticized for not lip syncing correctly or for taking time to work out the vocals in the studio. They were told: "Three of you will be in the finals." Then it was switched up: "No, it's too hard for us to pick, you are all going to the finals." I wondered how are the kids able to handle it? And did the generosity theme even matter? Then I realized, teens get a lot of practice at dealing with things changing up in their lives because normal parents, teachers and most adults do this to them all the time.
It's not that we try to drive our kids crazy by changing the rules of life's game as we go. It's that we change our minds depending on what is happening in the now. Or maybe after a long day at work, we have forgotten something that affects our teens and make a decision without taking it into account. That's why it is important to have open communication with your teen. You want to be able to explain things when life changes the circumstances or you want your teen to be confident enough in your relationship to remind you of their limits, rules or things that are going on in their lives without you becoming upset with them.
What did you think of this week's Glee Project? Do you have a favorite? Is it the same contestant as your teen's favorite? Let us know in the comments area. And - if you're feeling brave - tell us about a time when you switched things up on your teen.
More:
| Survive Your Troubled Teen Online Class
Parents are often overwhelmed by this daunting task, uncertain how concerned to be about their teen, whom to talk to, or what actions to take. This 5-day course breaks it all down into manageable steps, giving you the tools not only survive but to be successful in parenting your troubled teen. Take an online course here.
More from Kathy: Religious Residential Programs | Boot Camps
Kathy's Korner is a blog posting on the new and useful Troubled Teens Resources from our Contributing Writer, Kathy Rudlin, LCSW. Look for it regularly and please feel free to leave Kathy a message in the comments area.
| How Parents Can Keep Up with Teen Fads
Teenagers are infamous for being on the cutting edge of current fads and trends. The reason why teens are on the lookout for something new and different is almost a... Read more
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