FRENCH: About Parenting Teens: 14-Year-Old Teen and Compulsive Lying

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From Denise Witmer, your Guide to Parenting Teens

14-Year-Old Teen and Compulsive Lying

A parent on the forum is looking for advice: Miss 14 has an uncanny knack of lying about most things from as small as (but I did the dishes) with the dishes still in the sink to leaving the house all night and finds an excuse like I don't think I want to live here anymore Single dad of 2 teenage girls (14 and 13)which I only gained custody 3 and a half years ago it has been a long battle to keep them safe not only from the every day things in life but from they're own mother and her choices of substance abuse (drug and alcohol) to choice of partner (convicted child sex offender), she is also a compulsive liar. Miss 14 still says I have to earn her respect and yells and at times screams at me just to stop the "conversation". I hope someone can help with any form of advice. I just need help!

We have been seeing a family counselor for around 3 months now and as much as I think it helps us, it seems to go in one ear and out the other of miss 14. The main problem with these lies is it gets others in trouble and I can't help if I don't know the truth. Just another example from yesterday, 5 teachers marked her absent from class but she still says she was at school all day, even when confronted by school officials her attitude is to deny deny deny and it will go away.

Denise's thoughts: What is the goal of her behavior? She is lying because it is working for her. Whatever it is she doesn't want to do, she lies and doesn't have to do it. Or if she wants to get out of a school situation she put herself in, she lies and has everyone dealing with the lying and she skims by not having to deal directly with the real problem.

I would for a time take away the opportunity to lie. Explain that you cannot trust her words, so you will no longer be asking for them. Don't ask if she did the dishes, wait until you can check and then if they are not done, tell her to do them and give her a consequence if you have set one up.

Five teachers mark her absent? She wasn't there. No discussion necessary. If she continues to insist that she was, explain that you are sorry she feels the need to lie, but you don't believe her. You do hope that when the next situation pops up, she will trust you enough to tell you the truth because you love her.

Asking our parenting teens community: What do you do when your teen lies to you? Please share your thoughts, experiences and advice in our comments area.

Some resources:

How To Tell If Your Teen Is Lying to You

7 Secrets to Surviving a Troubled Teen

Logical and Natural Consequences

10 Ways to Send a Clear Message to Your Teenager

Learn to Fall Back and Regroup In 5 Easy Steps

Help Your Teen Regain Trust

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After School Snack Mix Recipe

The first snack on our useful and fun list of kids snack recipes. Includes healthy snacks, easy to make snacks and fun snacks for your teen's parties.

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Moms Are Copying Their Teen Daughters' Style?

Ran across this article while perusing the net that said we are copying our daughters' style. Hmm... I seem to remember my mom doing the same thing. Hence, she has pierced ears today. And considering their style is a mimic of what I wore in high school in the 80s and the fact that styles are always changing, okay. So? I just don't see the 'big revelation' here.

"While conventional wisdom says young girls look to their mothers for clues on how to behave, research from Philadelphia's Temple University Fox School of Business found that moms are copying their teens' choices in makeup, clothing and overall style." Via The Star.

Your thoughts?

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Switched at Birth: Signing is 'Cool'

Loved this week's episode of ABC Family's Switched at Birth. It was intense and showed teens how life gets in the way of doing what is morally right. Regina is going to have to gain some trust back from both her birth daughter, Bay, and the one she raised, Daphne. Personally, I thought everyone was a little hard on her. But considering it's fiction and I've never been in that situation, I'll give the show the benefit of the doubt. Let me know what you thought in the comments area.

My favorite part, was Emmett giving Bay some signing tips. He taught her how to sign the word 'cool' and I'd bet dollars to donuts that many young ladies were paying attention. If your teen daughter watches this show, ask her if she knows the sign for cool ;) Also, your teen may want to learn how to sign. Bay said she had three internet sites bookmarked, so I'll give you a couple to pass on to your teen. Maybe it's something you can learn together:

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