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Parents Need to Be Involved In Teen's Social Life
A parent on the forum is wondering: I have a concern that I am starting to think I am the only one who does. I have a teenage daughter who just recently turned 14. I can remember a time when she was growing up and wanted to play at a friend's house meant I would take her there, as long as I knew the parents, meet with them and discuss what they were going to do and when I was going to pick her up, or visa versa. Now, all of a sudden that she's a teenager, parents don't communicate with one another anymore.
I just have kids being dropped off at my door, with no formal introduction, no finding out if I'm a mass murderer or have a gun collection, whether or not I have a brother who lives upstairs who's a child molester (I don't), nothing, they don't even bother coming to the door. They don't even leave me with so much as a phone number or point of contact in case something should happen to their kid while in my care. Don't even get me started on the amount of times I've asked "When is your mom coming to pick you up" and I'm met with either "Uh, she's out running errands and she said after that" (and it's 8:00 at night on a school night), or "You have to take me home 'cuz she's busy."
And my daughter wants me to reciprocate and just drop her off without meeting the parents or "making a scene" by saying Hello, my name is so and so, etc. I mean why is it that when your kids turn into teenagers, the parents no longer communicate with each other about get togethers or where their kids are spending their time. I really don't understand it at all. Especially in today's society where you hear about so many horrible things happening. How can people be so trusting? Not to mention that teens lie all the time to get their way, so how am I supposed to trust them when they tell me they have permission to stay longer. Can someone please enlighten me. I'm totally fed up and frustrated.
Denise's thoughts: I had this problem with my oldest daughter's set of friends and their parents. It was disheartening. But, I stood my ground with my daughter. I either called and introduced myself first or I stopped in when dropping her off. I even had one mother ask me if I was going to continue to call and I, of course, said 'yes'. Funny how my daughter steers clear from them now that she is an adult.
My middle dd has friends whose parents talk to each other. It's a nice place to be. I'm much more comfortable checking in on her activities. So, my advice is just keep trying. Be personable and friendly. You are modeling behavior that lets her know your interests in keeping her safe. If she argues, just remind her you are being her parent and you love her.
Suggested reading: Encourage Positive Teen Friendships and Parenting Contracts: Going Out With Friends Unsupervised
Asking our community of parents: This is an on-going issue for many of our parenting community. Please share your experiences, thoughts and advice in the comments area. (Note: You are now able to reply to each other as well.)
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